I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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