Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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