This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
