I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
