If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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