So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
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