You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
