ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
