you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
