and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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