Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize