So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
