Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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