Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
