I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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