Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
