Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
