She said her name was "party"
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
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Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
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I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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