just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
