i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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