Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Who died my cat blue again?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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