so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
