i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
