Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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