Ambien. No doubt about it.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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