Will you blow on my dice?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
