I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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