i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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