So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
