The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
