I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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