Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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