The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize