Plan B is the new Plan A
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Randomize
