I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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