I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
