if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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