He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
