I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
