Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
