All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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