My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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