it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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