I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
