well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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