I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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