i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
