I'm really into asian looking animals
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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