So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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