walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
