I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
