the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
