So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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