GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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