and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
