in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
