Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
