Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
