On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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