my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
