Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
