Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
