I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
