Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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