Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
