Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
