no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
