He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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