ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
