guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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