It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
