xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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