They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
