I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
