he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
