I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
