I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
