I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
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